The downside to having it “all”, is well, you have it all…..all the time. Her childcare is tied to my job, so that if I’m home, she’s home. Spring Break is a break from work, but not from being a mom. I know, kind of a “duh” statement, but remember, this is all new to me!
I think the Babe’s illness and recovery has made this motherhood thing perfectly clear: I AM THE MOM. I’m the one who gets puked on and throws my shirt aside to take care of her needs first before taking care of mine, I’m the one steam cleaning poo out of the carpets, I’m the one calling the doctor every day, I’m the one she wants at 4am. Which is all well and good and really what I did sign up for…..but WOW. It’s exhausting.
I realize that none of this is new, nor unique to my situation or really all that interesting to read about. But for some reason, it’s all becoming clear in a whole new way.
The upside: While singing the Babe to sleep, whipsering really, while laying next to her, she grabbed my hand and pulled it to her chest. In that moment, I realized it was all worth it. That this is it–I AM THE MOM. And I wouldn’t want to be anyone else. Although a day at the spa would be nice.
Ok, a month ago if you’d told me I would be posting about this, I would have laughed a horribly cynical laugh. Not this month.
So it’s now 7:50am. The Babe and I are due at work in 10 minutes. She is sound asleep-playing catch up from this weekend I think. She’s been asleep for 13 hours–the kind of sleep where she really hasn’t moved at all (yes, I’ve been checking that she is in fact, breathing). She shows no signs of stirring at the moment.
So I call into work, saying that I’ll be a bit late. Yesterday the Babe mostly stayed w/ me in the Bjorn because she just wasn’t happy any place else, and my boss appreciated my staying until my work day was done. Today she told me to just get to school as soon as I could–meaning, you know, as soon as the Babe woke up, had a ba, a bit of cereal or whatever….basically saying, it’s cool–you’re a Mom first, teacher second.
I love that.
Mommy left the blogging to me today because she’s busy trying to figure out her new job. Every day now we get up and get moving–no more lazing about, watching our friends Matt and Katie on the TV for us! Now we get moving and by 8am, I am with my good friend Mrs. G. Mom hands me off with a big kiss and Mrs. G. gives me a big hug! Then we get to work. Sometimes we make copies, sometimes we answer the phone, sometimes we file things–whatever it is, I try to help as much as I can. Sometimes we get to deliver things to the teachers and then I go on stroller rides!
All that work wears me out, so after awhile I take a break to play with some toys and then I lay down to nap in “my” room at school. When I wake up, it’s time to see Mommy and all 30 of the kids she teaches now. I get to sit at a big kid table and she feeds me my lunch while the rest of the class eats too.
Today after the kids went out to recess, she made a cubby just for me! Now I have a place to hang my vinyl bib, and store my food and what not. I have a cubby just like the big kids! I can’t wait to get my school book bag just like all of my new friends.
I love it! Actually, today I was so excited I got up at 5am (oops!) and had to take a little snoozer even before we got to school. Maybe that’s why Mommy’s putting on anothe pot of coffee right now. Hmm….