The downside to having it “all”, is well, you have it all…..all the time. Her childcare is tied to my job, so that if I’m home, she’s home. Spring Break is a break from work, but not from being a mom. I know, kind of a “duh” statement, but remember, this is all new to me!
I think the Babe’s illness and recovery has made this motherhood thing perfectly clear: I AM THE MOM. I’m the one who gets puked on and throws my shirt aside to take care of her needs first before taking care of mine, I’m the one steam cleaning poo out of the carpets, I’m the one calling the doctor every day, I’m the one she wants at 4am. Which is all well and good and really what I did sign up for…..but WOW. It’s exhausting.
I realize that none of this is new, nor unique to my situation or really all that interesting to read about. But for some reason, it’s all becoming clear in a whole new way.
The upside: While singing the Babe to sleep, whipsering really, while laying next to her, she grabbed my hand and pulled it to her chest. In that moment, I realized it was all worth it. That this is it–I AM THE MOM. And I wouldn’t want to be anyone else. Although a day at the spa would be nice.