Category: Open Adoption

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Trackable, Taxable Citizen #200,000,001

So the Babe’s SS# came today. That’s it. It’s all done, finito. The birth certificate came a few weeks ago, it was slightly anti-climatic because there was an error. A big one. Her BIRTHDATE was wrong. Yes, her birthdate. Whatever. Made a phone call, and surprisingly, we got the correct date with no hassle. This then enabled us to journey down to the SS office to apply for a card. The lady there said the card would arrive in 7-10 days and I’ll be damned if it didn’t show up on day #8.

I know she’s always been a citizen, but now it seems so much more official. Now it’s time for a bank account, a college account, and so on and so forth. AND we can file our taxes. And this year, that’s a good thing.

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More placement ponderings

The monkey had a lovely holiday. She was hopelessly spoiled by her adoring fans, and seemed to revel in it all!

I also got the chance to explain her adoption to some little cousins of mine (my cousin’s kids….1st cousins, once removed?) and was glad for their very honest, uncensored, questions. What made it more interesting to me is that my cousin herself is adopted, and she’s now a single mom of 3. So when I explained that Monkey’s bmom had one child already, and decided that it would be too much to have another baby, my cousin just quietly said, “it’s tough”.

My cousin and I aren’t very close–this was our first time seeing each other in about 8 years. So I don’t know if her decision to parent all 3 of her kids was due in part to the fact that she was placed for adoption herself (at the age of 2, I think). I don’t really know. I do remember when she was pregnant the second time, both my mom and grandma asked her if she’d consider adoption, but her boyfriend was in the picture at the time, and she really was thinking things would be OK.

Now he’s long gone, she’s working, scraping by with help from assorted agencies to feed and cloth and educate her kiddos. And I have to say, she’s a GREAT mom. Her kids listen well and are very polite.

I wonder if our bmom ever thought about parenting our little monkey, and what she thought it would be like. If she thought past the first year or two, to what it would be like when both kids were in school. If that held any appeal to her, if it made the choice easier or harder.

I also finally got a hold a of GREAT book about open adoption when there is a birth sibling called Sam’s Sister. I need to find out if bbro has heard the story yet–that could be a potential bday present for him. I read it to a group of 1st-4th graders at the school where I used to teach, and they seemed to “get” it. They had a few questions for me, and, of course, were instantly in love with the Babe.

How could you not be?

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Unfounded Frustration

We had our visit on Friday, and it was GREAT! Only bmom,bdad, and bbro were there–both grandmas took a pass. The one concerned about the snow was still concerned about the snow, even though the roads were dry. Anyway, everything was pleasant, and turns out that bmom wasn’t “mad” , just annoyed at the thought our visit could be jeopardized by the snow. Which reminds me of a few things you’d think I’d learn by now:

1. Tone isn’t always conveyed well in an email

2. When in doubt, talk to the person in s question!

I should know not to get pulled into the drama. That could be my new mantra.

Anyway, we chatted for about an hour. They brought a couple cute outfits for the Babe, and we had outfits and hot wheels for b-bro who’s almost 4. He’s very young for his age, and has some serious speech issues. His interactions w/ bdad (not his bdad, though) were sad bdad has NO patience or skill when talking to children. L was really bothered by it, and we both feel badly for the little boy. We wonder how old baby Kahuna will be when she starts noticing the differences in her background and in her brother’s.

B-bro LOVES L, of course, and was enamored by all the cameras L had brought along. He held the Babe for a little bit, and played really nicely while the rest of us chatted. About half way through the visit, bdad got a look of boredom on his face. Bmom was happy the whole way through–she fed the Babe, and got spit up on–and seemed to be doing OK emotionally through the whole thing.

Being on this side of the triad, I don’t know how they do it, but I’m grateful that they do! We’ll continue to email each other weekly, and will set another visit for sometime in April!