The Day of Birth (commerated on the Birthday) or ML part 5

Not to sound cliche, but my how time flies! Baby Girl is officially one today!!

On August 3, 2005, we were privelaged to be invited to the hospital will J delivered Baby M via C-section. We didn’t sleep much the night before–we were up late doing not too much of anything. We made it to the hospital by about 7am, I think, and headed to the maternity floor, carrying cameras and cell phones, a laptop and a few baby clothes. We checked into the nurses station, and everything became real when she gave us the wrist-bracelet that would match us to M when she arrived! J had arranged for that, so we could see her in the nursery while J was still in recovery.

We were shown into J’s room, and saw G, his mom K, Z, J’s mom H and Z’s godfather/caregiver, P. K greeted us right away, J introduced everybody, and we all sat down and made small talk. K gave us a few things for M, and L lightened the mood by taking pictures of everyone. Z warmed up to him right away, and started hamming it up for the camera. Soon enough, J and G went into the delivery room, and we sat and chatted with everyone there. P took Z home. In hindsight, it was all very surreal, but at the time, it seemed perfectly natural.

M arrived at 8:50am, and somewhere around 9:30, she was brought into the room by G. Then hubby and I got to hold her–truly amazing. K held her too. The whole time we were acutely aware that as much as we were gaining a family member, they were, in essence, losing one. We did our best to seem happy yet subdued–again, surreal yet natural.

We followed the baby out when she was taken to the nursery for all the screenings and bath and whatnot, and watched through the glass. At some point, we each went to where cell phones were permitted to call a few people, including the adoption agency.

That was one surprise–the hospital SW wouldn’t let the agency SW come to the hospital for 24 hours after M’s arrival. So we were there, w/o guidance, I guess you could say, but we did just fine. J asked that I call the SW, so I did, and that’s when we learned they’d be able to come to the hospital the next day.

Most of that day (and the day after) is a blur of visiting with J and G, mooning over M, calling friends and giving them updates.

One moment stands out though–my first time alone with M. J was resting, G was taking a break from the hospital, L was making some phone calls and I was alone, watching her through the glass. After a few minutes, I realized that I could go into the little room off of the nursery with M, so I did. The nurse wheeled in her bassinett and left us alone. So I held her and we rocked in the rocking chair, and I welcomed her into the world. Truly one of the best moments of my life.

mommy wars: a book review

That’s the title of the collection of essays I’ve been reading. What, do you ask, are the mommys fighting about? Why working vs. staying home, of course!

The book is a collection of essays, editied by Leslie Morgan Steiner. Most of the authors are authors, which is nice, because everything is well-written, but somewhat boring because a lot of their views are the same. They seem pre-disposed to working part time, from home, flexible hours, etc. Many were faced with finding “reliable help”, i.e.–The Nanny. The ones who stayed home talked about downsizing on the Upper East/or West sides of NYC. So while a lot their conflict is universal, it wasn’t very down to earth for the majority of America, IMO.

Things I would have liked to have seen:

1) More exploration into finding reliable center-based care, because most nannies are out of most working families price ranges.

2) More essays by women without MBAs, Ivy League diplomas and what not–again, a very small percentage of the population

3) Atleast one essay by a mom working for health insurance. I can’t tell you how many families I know with two wage earners because they need affordable healthcare.

That being said, there was a lot to chew on in the book. The moms who thought they would work but didn’t. The ones who didn’t think they’d want to, but did.

I’ve been reading this book for over a week, not going in any particular order through the essays. At first, I found the working-mom essays, for some reason. I thought the book was skewed in that direction. Then I started finding the at-home mom essays, and realized that no, there were about an equal amount of both. Some of the at-hom moms were VERY preachy–not taking into account that downsizing on the Upper East/ or West Side is not really downsizing at all. The at-work moms were all aware of the “pity glances” they get from the at-home moms. The at-home moms were a little resentful about having to take care of the whole neighborhood, classroom, whatever, while the at-work moms got a free pass.

A few quotes that I really like, in no particular order:

“I am old enough now to have known enough people making enough bizarre arrangements work (and making textbook arrangements fail) to persuade me that anyone who thinks she can judge what’s best for other people’s kids is either arrogant, psychic or high.” –Carolyn Hax

“…that make me more certain than ever that the definition of a good mother is ‘a woman who spends enough time with her children to know what the hell they are doing’ ” Iris Krasnow

And then there’s a whole essay by Susan Cheever called “Baby Battle” which goes on to describe the lack of support of working moms and at home moms–how the two sides are pitted against each other because only mothers seem really interested in the issue, when really society as a whole needs to take an interest in nurturing the next generation.

And that’ s just the tip of the iceberg. If you don’t have kids yet, read the book–it’ll give you some interesting perspective and things to think about. If you’re feeling good about the choices you’ve made, get the book–you’ll be able to see the point/counterpoint and be OK, I think. If you are feeling trapped by work or trapped by your children, you’d probably enjoy it too, at least some parts of it.

If nothing else, it’s a good exercise is realizing that the grass is always greener……

**if anyone has read it, please let me know if the “On Being a Radical Feminist Stay-at-Home Mom” by Inda Schaenen pissed you off. It REALLY rubbed me the wrong way.

FRIDAY

I love Fridays. Especially when you know you are going to have a good weekend catching up with friends. Especially when one friend says, “I’m going to buy more limeade so that we can hopefully use up more tequila.” I LOVE friends like that!

News on the Monkey front: Now that she’s changed rooms (almost officially) her daily report is a little bit different. The report talks more about her activities (which now consist of art, table toys, homeliving, etc) and less about her diapers. Seriously, the “diaper” area of the report is SO much smaller than the previous form. It’s kind of funny.

Fun things she is doing–hiding things in cabinets and drawers. I opened the bottom drawer in the kitchen last night to find her beloved Bunny and a telephone. Who knew? She also is LOVING playing with my make up brush and wearing some of my less-of-a-choking-hazard necklaces. Who knew she would play dress up so soon?!?!?

One more random note–our dryer vent has been clogged for a over week, and once the guy finally climbed onto the roof to clear the screen (this service is part of our HOA fee), I realized I was OUT of detergent. So I seriously haven’t done Monkey laundry in close to 3 weeks. Her drawers still appear full. Like the missing clothes haven’t made a dent AT ALL. Hmmm…..clothes horse anyone?? And at this point in time, is it really reflecting on her, or is it more so on me?!??!

Oh, and her ticker is REALLY freaking me out!!