There’s nothing like reading a book about a midlife crisis/empty nest syndrome ( a rather funny book, I must add, called “Mad Dash”) to make you want to appreciate your daughter’s childhood. After reading the book while curled up in bed with a lovely illness (probably strep) while she played the day away at daycare, I was ready to appreciate her. I missed her little voice all day long. I missed her hugs. I missed her little phrases like, “Me hold you” (translation: hold me!) and “My do it!”.
Within an hour of her coming home last night I was done,and feeling like a bad mom because of it. There was the whining, the clinging, the trying to eat dinner on my lap, the kicking, and ultimately, once again, peeing through a pull up (WTF is that all about?) and peeing all over me in my comfy jammys (put on early, because she had spilled milk all over me at dinner).
Then we watched the movie Click, which I have to say is one of Adam Sandler’s better “odd” movies. By odd, I mean, not along the lines of your typical former SNL star movie, ala Happy Gilmore or Billy Madison. But I liked it, and again, it got me thinking–I don’t really want to fast forward through all of the madness of the toddler/preschool years. I don’t want to suddenly show up at my daughter’s wedding and not know her. I don’t want to be so preoccupied with things that don’t really matter that I miss her growing up. I really don’t.
BUT OMG IF SHE COULD CLIMB INSIDE MY UTERUS, I THINK SHE WOULD. But then she’d climb right back out, throw something, kick something, and then try to climb back in. And then she’d do it all over again. She’s going through major separation issues right now, sort of out of the blue. And it’s making me batty. She’s the toddler who wants to snuggle, but then doesn’t want to snuggle. The toddler who wants to sit in my lap, but then gets down, then back on, then wants to be carried everywhere. The toddler who wants milk but won’t let me have two free hands to pour her some. She wants to pour her own, but only if I’m holding her (which is very hard to do). Toddler PMS, anyone???
But then this afternoon happened. She resisted a nap, Daddy went out to run errands, and we were watching assorted previews of Bee Movie and Shrek the Third on this here laptop.
And she fell asleep. And as I type, she is sleeping deeply, soundly, in my arms. I can stroke her hair without her saying , “stop it!” and rub her back and snuggle like we did before she became a toddler with PMS.
No, I really don’t want to miss this at all. I really don’t.