Ok, so while we were filling out forms, writing our dear birthmom letter and making our photo album, not much time to blog. Didn’t really need to–enough to keep me busy and moving along in the process. Here are some fun (and not so fun) things we got to do along the way:
1. Talk about ourselves. Alot. In person with the social worker, on paper in the applications, on paper to the birthmom. In my opinon, we crafted a realistic and fun tale about ourselves. But it is all about us–to the point where L asked, ” This is SO about us–do you think we are too self centered to have a kid?!?!”
2. Lots of deep conversations betwixt ourselves onto why we want to be parents and how we will parents. I love it when he compares me to assorted TV moms. Who wouldn’t want to be Lois from Malcolm!?!?
3. Create a narrative about our lives and illustrate it with photos! Fun at the scrapbook store for M!!! Loads of fun. Ok, I got a little obsessive, but enjoyed the process. Learned about ourselves and loved ones:
a) hair color and styles change more often than you’d think
b) we tend to wear the same few shirts for every family function
c) we drink, alot, and it shows!
d) a few members of our posse like to flip the bird when posing for the camera
As a result of c & d, many of our photos are head and shoulders shots. Doesn’t appear too freaky til I point it out.
4. Get tested for TB. Why Indiana is obsessed with this disease, I don’t know. Child care workers, teachers, healthcare workers and adoptive parents, apparently, top their list of potential infectees. I realize it causes epidemics, but do expectant bio parents go through this? When you go to the Dr. and say, hey, we’d like to get pregnant, any advice or vitamins you’d like me to take, does he whip out the TB serum?? Didn’t think so. Oh, and insurance doesn’t like to pay for these tests—apparently the actuaries have determined the likiehood of an epidimic is rare.
5. Entertain the social worker in our home. She checked for fire extinquishers, smoke detectors and that the future babies room has two exitis (a door and a window). Not too invasive, but again, does the hospital inspect the quarters in which the infant will be discharged to when going home with bio parents? Maybe if they did fewer children would be found living in squalor later on.
6. Ask friends for references. LOVE our friends. LOVE that they all let me know when they got the paper, when they got started on their rough drafts and when they submitted their final drafts. LOVE that all were typed and saved to a computer, especially when one didn’t arrive at the agency and had to be resubmitted. LOVE that when that happened, they just faxed it over the same day. LOVE THEM!!!
p.s. to that: The social worker commented on HOW GREAT our references were. On how well written they were. And how nice it was that they were all typed. Apparently, some show up on spiral notebook paper.
Not really complaining or trying to be sarcastic, but a little annoyed at the hoops we are having to jump through to become parents. Not that pregnancy is any easier, but that’s seen as more of a medical issue. Social services doesn’t really get involved. At the same time, I’m amazed at how easy it is and realize that any pyscho can probably pull it together long enough to look like they would be able to parent. Thus crazy media headlines.
I do realize that none of this though, really prepares a person to parent. I’ve seen enough “prepared” competent parents be so happily overwhelmed at the prospect of parenting once the hoopla, showers and hospital stay is over to know that we can’t even imagine what it will be like!
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