Gotcha Baby » adoption

We Are the Truth

Michelle — Thu, 15 Apr 2010 02:03:33 +0000

By now you’ve probably heard of the horrific story involving a Russian boy being put on a plane and essentially returned to Russia by his adoptive mother. We did a special post about it at Grown in My Heart – want to read the opinions of EIGHT opinionated writers? Here’s the link: http://www.growninmyheart.com/russian-children-and-abandonment-current-news

Today (4/15/10) has been declared “An Adoption Blogger Day” by the Joint Council on International Children Services. It’s a day for families involved with adoption to tell their stories. Stories that talk about the day-to-day. Stories that talk about tough adoption issues. Stories that talk about love. Stories that speak the truth.

So here’s our story:

Almost five years ago we became parents through open, domestic adoption and we’ve never looked back. We’ve never regretted it. We had no idea how much our children would change us for the better. We had no idea how much we would love these children. How much we weren’t living until they arrived.

Oh the love……

A Windy Easter Sunday, 2010

I don’t know that there’s a McLinky for today’s event. But if you’re in the mood for some Adoption Truth, I’d start with the GIMH’s list of 101 best Adoption Blogs. And click here to learn more about We Are The Truth A Campaign and Call to Action EDITED TO ADD: Here’s a link to other We Are the Truth posts.

The Blindside….

Michelle — Tue, 13 Apr 2010 01:07:45 +0000

So I think I’m about 6 months late for a rave review about The Blindside. You know, the movie about adoption. The movie that got Sandra Bullock a Golden Globe and an Oscar for Best Actress. Ring a bell?

It wasn’t for lack of interest, but movies in the theaters are few and far between in these parts. When my friend mentioned she’d rented The Blindside, I was glad to hear it was on DVD, and even gladder when she let me borrow while she had it out from Blockbuster. So last Sunday BgK and I sat down and watched. And watched. And watched. (it’s a long movie)

And? We LOVED. Of course it’s a neat and tidy, made-for-the-silver-screen story. I’m sure a fly on the wall in the Touhy family saw more drama, tension and issues then you’d ever see in a 2 1/2 hr movie. But it captured some of what happens when an older child joins a family. It touches on some issues when that child is of a different race. And I think it captured what a mother goes through when a child joins her family through adoption or really, in this case, guardianship. The dance to get to know each other, the small doubts that come and go, and the fierce protectiveness that comes from knowing you are a child’s best advocate, protector and source of love.

My favorite parts all involved Leigh Ann (Bullock’s character). I loved her yelling at the football coach. I loved her walking next to Michael, looking so small and yet such a source of strength and love. I loved her insisting on going to talk to Michael’s biological mother, letting her know that her son was OK, and that he still has a place in his heart for her. I loved her going to look for him when he takes off.

And I loved Michael calling her, toward the end of the movie, “Mama”. I can only imagine how the real Mrs. Touhy felt when the real Michael called her that.

If you haven’t seen it yet–go rent it already. You’ll be glad you did : )

Grown in My Heart: Adoption Carnival VI

Michelle — Mon, 01 Mar 2010 03:42:12 +0000

Friday the sixth topic for Grown In My Heart’s Adoption Carnival was announced…….racism. And I was stumped. I’m an adoptive mom to two kids who, well, look just like me and my husband. We didn’t plan it that way. We certainly didn’t request it. It just so happens that Jane and I are the same height. That Geoff and BgK have the same hair color. Our kids “blend” into our family so well based on appearance, it’s really by choice that we tell people they are adopted.

So racism doesn’t really come into play in our lives as a component of adoption. But of course, as a white family in midwestern Americana, I know racism does exist. Indiana has an awful history of racism and hatred. In my day-to-day life I don’t see it, but that’s because I’m white.

Anyway.

My daughter attends and I teach at a very nice suburban preschool. It is probably one of the most diverse private schools in the metro area, if not the state. My classroom is nearly 50% non-white. Many of my daughter’s friends are children of immigrants. Children who visit grandparents in Pakistan, Kenya, New Zealand, India and South Korea. There are children who’ve been adopted internationally (and bi-racially). In central Indiana, this as diverse as it gets.

My son attends the daycare where Mam did. It’s very different from our little preschool, but his class is still nearly 50% non-white. His friends speak Spanish at home and English at the center. His first three caregivers were African-American, as are many of his playmates. I feel like my children have been exposed to as much diversity as we can get in the middle of Indiana.

Given that my children do see faces of people who don’t look like them on a daily basis, I’ve always sort of approached race by not approaching it–my thought was always not to point it out, and my children wouldn’t see it. Or they would see it, but they wouldn’t think much of it.

Then I read Nurture Shock. And realized I was wrong. The authors of Nurture Shock illustrate how children naturally sort and classify the world. If a group of children is divided by say, the color of their t-shirt, they automatically assume allegiance to their color. It makes sense. They further go on to illustrate answers children gave in regards to race, and how they do segregate the world by race, only they don’t talk about it because they’ve learned from their parents not to talk about it. Oh boy. I’m not explaining it well, but suffice it to say, after reading it, I feel like I’ve been doing a disservice to my own children as well my students.

Oh. My. Word. I have some explaining to do to my kiddos. I haven’t quite figured out how to talk to them about this, but I will. I have to. I’m their mom. If I don’t, who will????

Have some thoughts about racism? Link up at Grown in My Heart!!

Help support GIMH! Vote for our Room of Your Own at BlogHer!

Log-in to BlogHer and then vote as an attendee.(you don’t have to actually be going)

Winter, Winter Go Away…

Michelle — Thu, 18 Feb 2010 02:57:13 +0000

Like the rest of North America, with the exception of Vancouver, it appears, central Indiana is in the middle of the dead of winter. Snow days, school delays, snow, snow, and more snow….these have been the days of my life.

Even when the sun isn’t out, there is a terrific glare off the snow. I’m counting that as sunlight for my sanity.

So it’s only natural that summer dreams have been developing this week. Remember summer? Remember warm? Remember sunshine?

The gals at Grown in My Heart have made a plan for summer–we are going to BlogHer ‘10 in NYC. We’d like to get a slot in the Room of Their Own program–where we’d be the panel and discuss the delicate nature of sharing your family life and reproductive challenges on the Internet.

If you have two seconds, please click through here, and vote for our proposal: http://www.blogher.com/room-of-your-own-10

You do need a BlogHer account, and once you’ve signed in, please vote for us. We’d appreciate it…..and if you’re going to BlogHer ‘10, give a shout out!

Here are few flashbacks to a warmer, gentler time:

It was sooo hot the day we saw Niagra Falls, the plastic ponchos were a bit much!

The water was so warm in the Atlantic this was a sunset splash. SO WARM OUTSIDE!

Look! The Fox is wearing a romper. Not pants. He's wearing sunscreen. He's sitting on this stuff called grass. Haven't seen grass since January...

An Interview with The International Mom, Judy Miller

Michelle — Wed, 27 Jan 2010 01:57:16 +0000

As I’ve said before, I love the internet. It has expanded my horizons in so many ways, broadened my knowledge and brought me friends. One of those friends is Judy Miller, author, advocate and adoptive parent. (I’m also fond of alliteration)

Judy has a new project on the horizon, Parenting Your Adopted Child: Tweens, Teens and Beyond with Judy M. Miller and the other day we sat down with some delicious Skinny Cinnamon Dulce Lattes to discuss it.

Judy has developed and will be teaching a class to help parents of adopted tweens and teens, beginning Weds, February 10th. What? You don’t live in the Indy Metro area? Good news–the class format is via email. Judy will send out assignments, you will complete them, and then there will be discussion online.

Judy created this class with hopes of reaching parents as their children enter an age wrought with emotions and new understandings about adoption. As a mom to four children (one biological, two from China, one from Guatemala), she’s living through her own children’s adolescence and observing what sort of questions and difficulty her children are having in regards to their being adopted.

Each week, Judy will email a topic for introspection, and participants will then write on that topic. Judy said each week’s assignment will prompt participants to “go deep”. The messages the parent sends to the child lay the groundwork for that child’s journey to discovering himself. The topics are ones that will most likely come up in conversation in the tween (8-12yrs) and teen years, but Judy encourages parents with children as young as four or five to consider signing up.

You can learn more about and register for Parenting Your Adopted Child by visiting Judy’s website. There is also a spot to sign up for a newsletter that I know will be great. I always LOVE the time I spend with Judy, and I know you will too!

Judy is a fellow contributor to Grown in My Heart, her personal blog is The International Mom’s Blog.

Thankful: Grown in My Heart Blog Carnival IV

Michelle — Thu, 26 Nov 2009 11:00:43 +0000

There is a little “thanks” that we say in preschool before every meal.

“We are thankful for the food before us,

We are thankful for the friends beside us,

We are thankful for the love among us,

We are thankful.”

My list is a long one. As I sit here in a warm house, cozy on the couch, typing on my laptop with two sweet babies asleep upstairs, it’s hard to know how to begin.

Since this post is for Grown in My Heart, a community I wouldn’t be a part of if it weren’t for the adoption of my children, I feel like I should start there.

I am thankful that we made the decision to adopt when we did–in the fall of 2004. I am thankful that all of our paper work came together (in hindsight) smoothly and quickly, for as we were becoming home-study approved, J was thinking about placing MaM for adoption when she was born. If we had been delayed, our profile book may not have been available that day in July when J went to consider prospective adoptive parents.

I’m thankful that J felt some sort of connection to us via said profile book. That there was some instant level of comfort between us. I”m thankful that she invited us to the hospital for the birth of both of the children. I am so incredibly thankful that both children were born perfect and healthy in every way.

I’m thankful that open adoption has worked out so well for our children–that they know J and they know Z. I am thankful that they are loved and accepted by their bio family and their adoptive family.

I’m thankful that I’m sharing this parenting ride with @bgKahuna, the world’s most enthusiastic dad.

I’m thankful that because of the internet, I’m connect to so many more adoptive families than I would be if the internet wasn’t what it is today.

I am thankful.

Want to link up? Join the carnival at Grown in My Heart!

It’s Been Five Years…

Michelle — Sat, 24 Oct 2009 15:08:02 +0000

Since adoption became an every day word and thought in this house. Five years ago this month, we went to an informational session that would change our lives forever, and that would lead to us becoming parents less than a year later.

Here’s my post about some of those beginning thoughts and feelings at Grown In My Heart.

What No One Told Me About Adoption

Michelle — Thu, 17 Sep 2009 23:00:33 +0000

Today is the first of many-to-come blog carnivals at Grown In My Heart. Today’s kick off topic is “What No One Told Me About Adoption”

Jr., 10 months old

1) I wish I had known that the homestudy was really more of a “getting to know you” meeting and not a white-glove inspection. I should have dusted less and relaxed a little more.

2) I wish I had known how awful and presumptive it sounds to call expectant women “birthmothers” long before they have given birth/began the process of placement.

Sweet MAM, one week old

3) I wish I could have imagined how completely and totally our children have captured the hearts of our family and friends. A snapshot of “what will be” would have warmed my heart on some of the darker days of waiting.

4) I wish I had known more about how adoption affects the families who place children for adoption.

5) I wish I had heard Tonggu Momma’s response, ” That’s private, I’m surprised you’re comfortable asking that question.”

6) I wish I had an inkling as to how instantly bonded I would become to other adoptive parents. There’s a level of connection that can’t be described, only experienced.

7) This is, of course, is impossible…but I wish I would have know how incredibly spectacular our adoption experience would be. That it would be worth every bit of heartache and wondering, every form filled out, every trip to be fingerprinted, every trip for a TB test, etc. Totally and utterly worth it.

Do you have a wish list?? Post it and then link it to Mr. Linky and meet other members of the adoption triad through Grown in My Heart!

Red in the Flower Bed

Michelle — Fri, 24 Jul 2009 15:21:04 +0000

Because I’ve posted so much here about books lately, I thought I’d go spout someplace else today. I recently had the opportunity check out Red in the Flower Bed, An Illustrated Children’s Story about Adoption and ask the author, Andrea Nepa, a few questions. The book tells of a seed that needs a place to grow, and a garden that is happy to have the seed join them. Ms. Nepa is an adoptive parent herself, and she put a lot of thought into constructing this story. Check out my full review at Grown in My Heart!

If you are an adoptive parent, do you have a favorite children’s book on the topic? I am working on building our library on the topic…..

A DIY Culture Camp E-book Now Available

Michelle — Wed, 01 Jul 2009 12:21:00 +0000

It is my pleasure to announce Grown in My Heart’s latest endeavor…..
Traditionally, a culture camp brings together adopted children from around the world so they can share their experiences with each other. Some camps offer sleep away camp settings while others only offer day camps.

Children and adults learn about culture, history, adoption heritage, and intolerance and character. Most culture camps enrich cultural literacy include physical activities, world music and crafts. By nature they accommodate different learning styles.

But what happens when your children are just too young to attend a culture camp and are seriously interested in learning about their culture or making friends from the same region or orphanage?

Perhaps your child yearns to know children who “look like them” because they are the only child in their class with dark skin or Asian eyes. This is still common in today’s society no matter how much we try to pretend it is not.

How do you integrate culture into your children’s lives when they don’t want to have anything to do with it? Do you sneak it in with fantastic cooking? Do you read great literature with them? Or do you make them sit down and learn about their history?

We have just the solution for you. Introducing a new resource for adoptive parents: a Culture Camp for Kids; What to do when they can’t do (or they don’t want to)

This e-Book features countless activities suitable for young children from around the world. Once your focus is determined, it’s time to gather supplies. A trip to the library should yield plenty of books (and we have also supplied a fabulous list in our Literature Section).

Click on the Add to Cart to purchase the first ever GIMH eBook.

A portion of every sale will go to New Day Foster Home, a special needs foster home in China.

*While this e-book was developed with internationally adopted children in mind, it’s also suitable for any family wanting to expand their world view or host an “around the world” sort of party for young children. The activites aren’t adoption-centric, rather they are activities either native to a particular country or region, or they are designed to heighten awareness. Turn off the TV and have some fun this summer!