Gotcha Baby

This Old House

Michelle — Wed, 10 Mar 2010 02:20:33 +0000

…..is getting spruced up!

In less than one week, it’s been painted on the inside, had it’s sagging Master Bath repaired and carpet replaced. It’s clutter has been stowed away. It’s been scrubbed from top to bottom.

There are still a few random things to do– can you find the weirdo things that are in our listing photos?

Now I wait. I wait for the phone to ring to say “It’s show time!”

taken while we still had snow cover--better than an empty bed of mulch!

You can't see inside it, but the oven is CLEAN! Also, what's missing?

The 2nd BR. Something is missing, but what??

The only wrong in this photo is the season. I am hopeful that we won't be here to see the pool open. But we may get another pool key made....

He Sold Us on Purple

Michelle — Mon, 08 Mar 2010 17:22:06 +0000

In all of its staged glory, posing for house listing photos

I set my timer for three minutes. Here’s what I got down:

Right now, as I scrawl this down on paper, Jr. sits, sippy cup in hand, on our purple couch, watching Elmo’s World.

It’s 8yrs old, and has been along the wall in our home since it was delivered a week after we moved in. The whole set (couch, loveseat, chair) was a house-warming gift from my parents– we picked it out and sent them the bill.

We’d been married a year, had a purchased a car together, and signed on a mortgage together, but this was our joint first furniture purchase. We got it at L.S. Ayres, from a very swarmy salesman. He was hairy, wore many gold rings and had tattoos on all of his fingers. He sold us on the purple.

_______________________________________

That’s what I got down in 3 minutes. Seriously? Three minutes is a very short time to write about something you sit on every.single.day. Something that you’ve fed babies on. Something those babies have peed on, puked on, slept on and now jump on like it’s a trampoline. Something that’s anchored our open-floor plan townhouse for eight years. Something that’s going to be moving with us, whenever that happens…………..

Anyway, for the details as to why I’m writing about my couch, here’s the whole story at Adventures in Babywearing.

Snow White on the purple couch,getting ready to Trick or Treat

Good Clicks

Michelle — Mon, 01 Mar 2010 11:40:40 +0000

So posting these days is sparse. Between the everyday (work-small children-cleaning up after small children-collapsing into to bed to do it again) and the Holy Crap! We’re Listing our House! excitement, there’s little time left to form coherent sentences and type them.

SO.

Here are few things which may click your fancy:

Have you seen the shower Stephanie is hosting for Beth? I mean, really, have you ever seen anything like it? Every day there is a new giveaway for a reader, and there is also a prize for Beth. How sweet is that?

The BlogHer Room of Your Own voting is going strong!! If you are going, or if you are not, take some time to peruse these topics. Basically, BlogHer asked the community to put together their own panels, and based on the popular vote, these panels will be part of the BlogHer ‘10 conference in NYC. I am registered for BlogHer ‘10 (which is crazy, and really, my goal is to post maybe 10x before the conference).

I am also privelaged to be part of two proposals– the Grown in My Heart writers’ proposal, which focuses on how much to share (mainly revolving around adoption, infertility and loss), which is a topic I struggle with daily. Do you want to read about my kid’s poop? Do you want to know more about Jane? How does Jane feel about that? How will Mam feel about being documented like she has?

The second proposal has been put together by my dear friend Just Heather, mastermind behind Inexpensively as well as the 40×40 project. She’s a frugal alphabet-dater who has developed a great idea as well–what do you do when you start blogging about a finite journey–i.e, her 40×40 project, a weight loss mission, a wedding, or say, the road to adopting. You hit your goal/complete your mission–then what??

Now to get either of the panels to fly, we need your vote! All you need to do is register for the BlogHer site (if you don’t have an account already) and then go to the Room of Your Own page. I’ve yet to find it through the site, so here’s the link: http://www.blogher.com/room-of-your-own-10

Once you’re there, click on the proposal you’d like to vote for, and at the top of the description is an option for “I would attend this topic” or something like that. Click on it once. Then it switches to “I would not attend this topic”. That’s the signal you’ve voted successfully. There are many great proposals, so go nuts and vote for what sounds good to you!

Ok. Off to clean the blinds, scrub the doors and cross my fingers that this house sells fast!

Grown in My Heart: Adoption Carnival VI

Michelle — Mon, 01 Mar 2010 03:42:12 +0000

Friday the sixth topic for Grown In My Heart’s Adoption Carnival was announced…….racism. And I was stumped. I’m an adoptive mom to two kids who, well, look just like me and my husband. We didn’t plan it that way. We certainly didn’t request it. It just so happens that Jane and I are the same height. That Geoff and BgK have the same hair color. Our kids “blend” into our family so well based on appearance, it’s really by choice that we tell people they are adopted.

So racism doesn’t really come into play in our lives as a component of adoption. But of course, as a white family in midwestern Americana, I know racism does exist. Indiana has an awful history of racism and hatred. In my day-to-day life I don’t see it, but that’s because I’m white.

Anyway.

My daughter attends and I teach at a very nice suburban preschool. It is probably one of the most diverse private schools in the metro area, if not the state. My classroom is nearly 50% non-white. Many of my daughter’s friends are children of immigrants. Children who visit grandparents in Pakistan, Kenya, New Zealand, India and South Korea. There are children who’ve been adopted internationally (and bi-racially). In central Indiana, this as diverse as it gets.

My son attends the daycare where Mam did. It’s very different from our little preschool, but his class is still nearly 50% non-white. His friends speak Spanish at home and English at the center. His first three caregivers were African-American, as are many of his playmates. I feel like my children have been exposed to as much diversity as we can get in the middle of Indiana.

Given that my children do see faces of people who don’t look like them on a daily basis, I’ve always sort of approached race by not approaching it–my thought was always not to point it out, and my children wouldn’t see it. Or they would see it, but they wouldn’t think much of it.

Then I read Nurture Shock. And realized I was wrong. The authors of Nurture Shock illustrate how children naturally sort and classify the world. If a group of children is divided by say, the color of their t-shirt, they automatically assume allegiance to their color. It makes sense. They further go on to illustrate answers children gave in regards to race, and how they do segregate the world by race, only they don’t talk about it because they’ve learned from their parents not to talk about it. Oh boy. I’m not explaining it well, but suffice it to say, after reading it, I feel like I’ve been doing a disservice to my own children as well my students.

Oh. My. Word. I have some explaining to do to my kiddos. I haven’t quite figured out how to talk to them about this, but I will. I have to. I’m their mom. If I don’t, who will????

Have some thoughts about racism? Link up at Grown in My Heart!!

Help support GIMH! Vote for our Room of Your Own at BlogHer!

Log-in to BlogHer and then vote as an attendee.(you don’t have to actually be going)

Winter, Winter Go Away…

Michelle — Thu, 18 Feb 2010 02:57:13 +0000

Like the rest of North America, with the exception of Vancouver, it appears, central Indiana is in the middle of the dead of winter. Snow days, school delays, snow, snow, and more snow….these have been the days of my life.

Even when the sun isn’t out, there is a terrific glare off the snow. I’m counting that as sunlight for my sanity.

So it’s only natural that summer dreams have been developing this week. Remember summer? Remember warm? Remember sunshine?

The gals at Grown in My Heart have made a plan for summer–we are going to BlogHer ‘10 in NYC. We’d like to get a slot in the Room of Their Own program–where we’d be the panel and discuss the delicate nature of sharing your family life and reproductive challenges on the Internet.

If you have two seconds, please click through here, and vote for our proposal: http://www.blogher.com/room-of-your-own-10

You do need a BlogHer account, and once you’ve signed in, please vote for us. We’d appreciate it…..and if you’re going to BlogHer ‘10, give a shout out!

Here are few flashbacks to a warmer, gentler time:

It was sooo hot the day we saw Niagra Falls, the plastic ponchos were a bit much!

The water was so warm in the Atlantic this was a sunset splash. SO WARM OUTSIDE!

Look! The Fox is wearing a romper. Not pants. He's wearing sunscreen. He's sitting on this stuff called grass. Haven't seen grass since January...

The invasion (and disappearance) of the POD

Michelle — Wed, 10 Feb 2010 02:37:59 +0000

We’ve been busy here around Casa de Kahuna since deciding that our big goal for 2010 is to move on from this here townhouse. We have met with a Realtor, gotten pre-approved for a mortgage, and have been touching up little things around the house every chance we get. Our biggest accomplishment so far, though, has been filling a 16′ x 8′ POD. POD, you ask? You know, those nifty storage containers that get delivered and whisked away by a special truck? That kind of POD.

Would a self-storage unit been a little cheaper? Yes.

Would I have lost my sanity in attempting to load the van one load a time to move into said storage unit? Yes.

Would it have been near impossible with all of the snow we’ve gotten this weekend? Yes.

Would I have cried when it was time to empty the storage unit and move it? Yes.

Clearly, it was worth the extra bucks to go this route. So we started packing about a month ago, and once the boxes were stacked around the garage and the house to the point that we couldn’t really do any more, we knew it was time. My parents came down for a visit and took the kids out for several hours while @bgkahuna and I worked our tails off. We pretty much filled 128 sq ft (to the 8′ ceiling) with a few feet to spare.

What’s funny is that I can’t really even tell you what’s in that POD. Oh sure there’s the double bed, the extra dresser and the kids’ stuff. But the entire box labeled “top of dresser/nightstand”? The entire box labeled “extra towels and placemats”? Is it really necessary? And the boxes of toys…sure there are toys that they will be happy to see again, but I am considering NOT unpacking a few boxes….and wrapping them up instead and re-gifting them back to the kids at Christmas.

Tonight @bgkahuna asked if I thought we could live like this at the new place–sans 128 sq ft of crap. I’m thinking it’s worth a shot. I am seriously considering NOT opening some of those “misc” boxes and just setting them aside for a few months. After a few months, I’ll just take those unopened boxes to Goodwill. And become a lot more particular about what crosses the threshold of our new home! (which by the way, we’ve not yet even started to look for yet)

Grown in My Heart Adoption Carnival V: Reform

Michelle — Fri, 29 Jan 2010 01:39:55 +0000

When Marcie announced the topic of this month’s carnival was Reform, it took me awhile to come up with what I’d like to reform. After some thought, I think what I’d change first is this: I would make open adoption the standard in the domestic adoption.

Five years ago while we were homestudy approved and waiting, we got a call from our agency asking if we’d be open to open adoption. It wasn’t a guarantee that our placement would be open, nor would it require us to make our placement open, but it we would be agreeing to put that possibility on the table.

Five years into my life as an adoptive parent in an open adoption, I can’ t imagine it any other way. I can’t imagine not knowing. Even in open adoption, we don’t know everything, but we have the basic information needed to explore and search further.

I’m beginning to think that it shouldn’t be an option to not exchange identifying information. That in typical cases, the biological parents should meet, in person, the adoptive parents.

Does that sound scary to you? Five years ago it sounded a little scary to me. Turns out, it really hasn’t been all that scary at all.

My reasoning for this is simple: Knowing is important. Having information is important. I’m not suggesting a co-parenting arrangement, or even that both families need to be in constant communication. Logistics may not make visits a frequent possibility, but contact is important. But think about all the searching, agony, guessing and wondering that could be eliminated with the exchange of basic information. Think about the good a few photographs can do for all. The photos of my children with their birth parents are precious to me. Jane’s told me that photos of our family are precious to her. Visits are important. For my children to know their biological mother’s voice? To know her mannerisms? To know her style and preferences? These are gifts I can’t give my children. She can, and she does. I am glad our children are growing up in open adoptions.

Want to know more about what open adoption *should* look like? I found www.openadoption.org , and I think it’s a good place to start.

Want to know what else should be reformed? Join the discussion and link-up at Grown in My Heart!

An Interview with The International Mom, Judy Miller

Michelle — Wed, 27 Jan 2010 01:57:16 +0000

As I’ve said before, I love the internet. It has expanded my horizons in so many ways, broadened my knowledge and brought me friends. One of those friends is Judy Miller, author, advocate and adoptive parent. (I’m also fond of alliteration)

Judy has a new project on the horizon, Parenting Your Adopted Child: Tweens, Teens and Beyond with Judy M. Miller and the other day we sat down with some delicious Skinny Cinnamon Dulce Lattes to discuss it.

Judy has developed and will be teaching a class to help parents of adopted tweens and teens, beginning Weds, February 10th. What? You don’t live in the Indy Metro area? Good news–the class format is via email. Judy will send out assignments, you will complete them, and then there will be discussion online.

Judy created this class with hopes of reaching parents as their children enter an age wrought with emotions and new understandings about adoption. As a mom to four children (one biological, two from China, one from Guatemala), she’s living through her own children’s adolescence and observing what sort of questions and difficulty her children are having in regards to their being adopted.

Each week, Judy will email a topic for introspection, and participants will then write on that topic. Judy said each week’s assignment will prompt participants to “go deep”. The messages the parent sends to the child lay the groundwork for that child’s journey to discovering himself. The topics are ones that will most likely come up in conversation in the tween (8-12yrs) and teen years, but Judy encourages parents with children as young as four or five to consider signing up.

You can learn more about and register for Parenting Your Adopted Child by visiting Judy’s website. There is also a spot to sign up for a newsletter that I know will be great. I always LOVE the time I spend with Judy, and I know you will too!

Judy is a fellow contributor to Grown in My Heart, her personal blog is The International Mom’s Blog.

Neosporin 3 Day Lip Challenge

Michelle — Mon, 25 Jan 2010 23:39:57 +0000

I’ve already blogged about how Neosporin is my family’s Windex. It’s true. So when Mom Central sent out the call to try their new Lip Therapy, I was ALL OVER IT (seriously, answered that email the second I read it) because, OMG, can you imagine how divine a lip product from Neosporin would be???

The Challenge was simple–use the Neopsorin Lip Health Overnight Renewal & Daily Hydration Lip Therapy for three days and report back. OVERNIGHT my lips were visible better–they were no longer cracking and peeling. After three days, it was like winter was over for my lips (if only!). The results were fast and with daily use, my lips have never been better. Want to learn more (and register for a coupon)? Visit http://www.neolips.com/

Disclosure:”I wrote this review while participating in a blog tour campaign by Mom Central on behalf of Neosporin and received a sample of the Lip Health Overnight Renewal Therapy and the Lip Health Daily Hydration Therapy to facilitate my review and a $20 thank-you gift certificate**.”

*I signed up for this tour before the events in Haiti happened. When I realized that the blog tour started this week, I felt a little odd talking about lip therapy immediately following my posts about the tragedy and complications in Haiti, particularly in regards to children and adoption. I was most geeked, however, to remember that the gift certificate I will be receiving is to Global Giving. Which means that my $20? Will be making it’s way to Haiti. Here’s a link to the current projects in Haiti.

More Thoughts on Haiti

Michelle — Mon, 25 Jan 2010 03:45:41 +0000

I remember the week after September 11, 2001. My husband was working out of town, so every night I’d come home from work, turn on the TV and watch the recovery efforts. I remember watching the telethon benefit that was held shortly after the tragedy occurred.

Darbonne, Haiti January 20, 2010, photo courtesy of www.firesideinternational.org

Fast forward 9 years, and I’m not getting my information from the television. With young children at home, I’m not going to broadcast the footage that’s being shown into our living room. Instead, I’m getting my info via Twitter and Facebook–from people on the ground in Haiti (follow @MissionMANNA, they are retweeting everything, or feel free to follow the list I created) and from charities with operations there. I’m having a hard time looking away.

I’ve also been spending a vast amount of time thinking about the children effected by this catastrophe. About the 380,000 children who were in orphanages before the earthquake. About the children granted humanitarian parole and united with their new adoptive parents. About the newly orphaned/ separated children whose worlds have been turned upside down.

These children need so much. I think about how much care my 19month old needs on an average day–the bathing, the dressing, the feeding, the diaper changing, and I think about how impossible the task of simply caring for Haiti’s children seems. Add in the trauma of an earthquake, and how is that supposed to happen?

I read an amazing post last night on Upside-Down Adoption that explains some of the pitfalls of having a modern day “Pedro Pan” operation. There is no easy answer to this situation. Here’s the thing though, there was no easy answer the day before the earthquake to Haiti’s (and so many other nation’s) problem of abandoned, orphaned and neglected children. With so many people now thinking and praying about it, my hope is that we are headed in the right direction.

For more photos, check out www.firesideinternational.org’s Web Gallery They are happy to share their photos, just link back to them.