Want to read something new? I have a new post up at Grown In My Heart, and it’s all about loving internet communication.

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Today (4/15/10) has been declared “An Adoption Blogger Day” by the Joint Council on International Children Services. It’s a day for families involved with adoption to tell their stories. Stories that talk about the day-to-day. Stories that talk about tough adoption issues. Stories that talk about love. Stories that speak the truth.

So here’s our story:

Almost five years ago we became parents through open, domestic adoption and we’ve never looked back. We’ve never regretted it. We had no idea how much our children would change us for the better. We had no idea how much we would love these children. How much we weren’t living until they arrived.

Oh the love……

A Windy Easter Sunday, 2010

I don’t know that there’s a McLinky for today’s event. But if you’re in the mood for some Adoption Truth, I’d start with the GIMH’s list of 101 best Adoption Blogs. And click here to learn more about We Are The Truth A Campaign and Call to Action EDITED TO ADD: Here’s a link to other We Are the Truth posts.

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So I think I’m about 6 months late for a rave review about The Blindside. You know, the movie about adoption. The movie that got Sandra Bullock a Golden Globe and an Oscar for Best Actress. Ring a bell?

It wasn’t for lack of interest, but movies in the theaters are few and far between in these parts. When my friend mentioned she’d rented The Blindside, I was glad to hear it was on DVD, and even gladder when she let me borrow while she had it out from Blockbuster. So last Sunday BgK and I sat down and watched. And watched. And watched. (it’s a long movie)

And? We LOVED. Of course it’s a neat and tidy, made-for-the-silver-screen story. I’m sure a fly on the wall in the Touhy family saw more drama, tension and issues then you’d ever see in a 2 1/2 hr movie. But it captured some of what happens when an older child joins a family. It touches on some issues when that child is of a different race.  And I think it captured what a mother goes through when a child joins her family through adoption or really, in this case, guardianship. The dance to get to know each other, the small doubts that come and go, and the fierce protectiveness that comes from knowing you are a child’s best advocate, protector and source of love.

My favorite parts all involved Leigh Ann (Bullock’s character). I loved her yelling at the football coach. I loved her walking next to Michael, looking so small and yet such a source of strength and love. I loved her insisting on going to talk to Michael’s biological mother, letting her know that her son was OK, and that he still has a place in his heart for her. I loved her going to look for him when he takes off.

And I loved Michael calling her, toward the end of the movie, “Mama”. I can only imagine how the real Mrs. Touhy felt when the real Michael called her  that.

If you haven’t seen it yet–go rent it already. You’ll be glad you did : )

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So racism doesn’t really come into play in our lives as a component of adoption. But of course, as a white family in midwestern Americana, I know racism does exist. Indiana has an awful history of racism and hatred. In my day-to-day life I don’t see it, but that’s because I’m white.

Anyway.

My daughter attends and I teach at a very nice suburban preschool. It is probably one of the most diverse private schools in the metro area, if not the state. My classroom is nearly 50% non-white.  Many of my daughter’s friends are children of immigrants. Children who visit grandparents in Pakistan, Kenya, New Zealand, India and South Korea. There are children who’ve been adopted internationally (and bi-racially). In central Indiana, this as diverse as it gets.

My son attends the daycare where Mam did. It’s very different from our little preschool, but his class is still nearly 50% non-white. His friends speak Spanish at home and English at the center. His first three caregivers were African-American, as are many of his playmates. I feel like my children have been exposed to as much diversity as we can get in the middle of Indiana.

Given that my children do see faces of people who don’t look like them on a daily basis, I’ve always sort of approached race by not approaching it–my thought was always not to point it out, and my children wouldn’t see it. Or they would see it, but they wouldn’t think much of it.

Then I read Nurture Shock. And realized I was wrong. The authors of Nurture Shock illustrate how children naturally sort and classify the world. If a group of children is divided by say, the color of their t-shirt, they automatically assume allegiance to their color. It makes sense. They further go on to illustrate answers children gave in regards to race, and how they do segregate the world by race, only they don’t talk about it because they’ve learned from their parents not to talk about it. Oh boy. I’m not explaining it well, but suffice it to say, after reading it, I feel like I’ve been doing a disservice to my own children as well my students.

Oh. My. Word. I have some explaining to do to my kiddos. I haven’t quite figured out how to talk to them about this, but I will. I have to. I’m their mom. If I don’t, who will????

Have some thoughts about racism? Link up at Grown in My Heart!!

Help support GIMH! Vote for our Room of Your Own at BlogHer!

Log-in to BlogHer and then vote as an attendee.(you don’t have to actually be going)

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Even when the sun isn’t out, there is a terrific glare off the snow. I’m counting that as sunlight for my sanity.

So it’s only natural that summer dreams have been developing this week. Remember summer? Remember warm? Remember sunshine?

The gals at Grown in My Heart have made a plan for summer–we are going to BlogHer ’10 in NYC. We’d like to get a slot in the Room of Their Own program–where we’d be the panel and discuss the delicate nature of sharing your family life and reproductive challenges on the Internet.

If you have two seconds, please click through here, and vote for our proposal: http://www.blogher.com/room-of-your-own-10

You do need a BlogHer account, and once you’ve signed in, please vote for us. We’d appreciate it…..and if you’re going to BlogHer ’10, give a shout out!

Here are few flashbacks to a warmer, gentler time:

It was sooo hot the day we saw Niagra Falls, the plastic ponchos were a bit much!

The water was so warm in the Atlantic this was a sunset splash. SO WARM OUTSIDE!

Look! The Fox is wearing a romper. Not pants. He's wearing sunscreen. He's sitting on this stuff called grass. Haven't seen grass since January...

Related posts:

1. Staged
2. It’s Been a Decade (full of cake, laughs, and love)
3. Contain Indy

“We are thankful for the food before us,

We are thankful for the friends beside us,

We are thankful for the love among us,

We are thankful.”

My list is a long one. As I sit here in a warm house, cozy on the couch, typing on my laptop with two sweet babies asleep upstairs, it’s hard to know how to begin.

Since this post is for Grown in My Heart, a community I wouldn’t be a part of if it weren’t for the adoption of my children, I feel like I should start there.

I am thankful that we made the decision to adopt when we did–in the fall of 2004. I am thankful that all of our paper work came together (in hindsight) smoothly and quickly, for as we were becoming home-study approved, J was thinking about placing MaM for adoption when she was born. If we had been delayed, our profile book may not have been available that day in July when J went to consider prospective adoptive parents.

I’m thankful that J felt some sort of connection to us via said profile book. That there was some instant level of comfort between us. I”m thankful that she invited us to the hospital for the birth of both of the children. I am so incredibly thankful that both children were born perfect and healthy in every way.

I’m thankful that open adoption has worked out so well for our children–that they know J and they know Z. I am thankful that they are loved and accepted by their bio family and their adoptive family.

I’m thankful that I’m sharing this parenting ride with @bgKahuna, the world’s most enthusiastic dad.

I’m thankful that because of the internet, I’m connect to so many more adoptive families than I would be if the internet wasn’t what it is today.

I am thankful.

Want to link up? Join the carnival at Grown in My Heart!

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Here’s my post about some of those beginning thoughts and feelings at Grown In My Heart.

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Jr., 10 months old

1) I wish I had known that the homestudy was really more of a “getting to know you” meeting and not a white-glove inspection. I should have dusted less and relaxed a little more.

2) I wish I had known how awful and presumptive it sounds to call expectant women “birthmothers” long before they have given birth/began the process of placement.

Sweet MAM, one week old

3) I wish I could have imagined how completely and totally our children have captured the hearts of our family and friends. A snapshot of “what will be” would have warmed my heart on some of the darker days of waiting.

4) I  wish I had known more about how adoption affects the families who place children for adoption.

5) I wish I had heard Tonggu Momma’s response, ” That’s private, I’m surprised you’re comfortable asking that question.”

6) I wish I had an inkling as to how instantly bonded I would become to other adoptive parents. There’s a level of connection that can’t be described, only experienced.

7) This is, of course, is impossible…but I wish I would have know how incredibly spectacular our adoption experience would be. That it would be worth every bit of heartache and wondering, every form filled out, every trip to be fingerprinted, every trip for a TB test, etc. Totally and utterly worth it.

Do you have a wish list?? Post it and then link it to Mr. Linky and meet other members of the adoption triad through Grown in My Heart!

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If you are an adoptive parent, do you have a favorite children’s book on the topic? I am working on building our library on the topic…..

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The very first comment on my “intro” post for this month, has gotten me thinking. Michelle asked about coming to the decision to adopt.

I’ve posted a bit about how it felt at Grown in My Heart.

Here’s the thing: like so many otther things in life, I just knew. I can’t say when exactly we said goodbye to our imaginary bio child, but we did. Here’s the short version of our short stay in IF land. We didn’t really like it there, we found it involved a lot of poking and proding and sometimes surgery.

BgK and I both presented with a few IF factors, and our RE (who was wonderful and I would rec. in a heartbeat if you are in Indpls) sat us down and explained what our best shot was–IVF w/ ICSI. He gave us a lot of reading material, and I’m glad he did. I think it’s one thing to hear a simple explanation, and entirely a different matter to read a somewhat academic explanation of exactly what it happening to your body as you force ovulation, retrieve eggs, retrieve sperm, etc.

Anyway, after reading through about 75% of what he gave us, I put it all away and said no. Couldn’t do it. Wouldn’t do it. Couldn’t do it. Just couldn’t. I was overwhelmed by simply reading about all the hormones. Overwhelmed by the possibilty of having multiples, or having an army of frozen potential babies in a freezer somewhere, or going through all of this and having none of it work. Completely overwhelmed and I hadn’t even read through the entire process yet.

So we started looking for an adoption agency. And we went to two different agencies–one for international adoptions from Russia, one for a domestic agency.

And when I heard we would more than likely be able to have an adoption placement of an infant, of newborn only days or weeks old, that was it. We knew then and there that was how we would become parents.

And it was.

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